Work and love complication..

[ameliaalwi]

Hi there,
I am new to this forum.i just have a complicated problem with my boyfriend.he wanted to finish things between us but still want to be my best friend.can you please give me vision of what was going on between us or whether any chance we still together.what about my career whether I can get better job sooner.
Thank you so much and really appreciate your help.

[jazz]

Hi there,
I am new to this forum.i just have a complicated problem with my boyfriend.he wanted to finish things between us but still want to be my best friend.can you please give me vision of what was going on between us or whether any chance we still together.what about my career whether I can get better job sooner.
Thank you so much and really appreciate your help.

Hi Ameliaalwi

This doesnt have to be complicated if you trust what you are feeling in this situation, when a person wants to finish things it means that, you should allow yourself to move on from this situation allow yourself time and space to heal from that experience without him in your face, take in what you have learned from your boyfriend and about yourself from this experience or it will be complicated for you.

It doesnt work out when your ex expects you to be his best friend when he has just told you he wants to finish with you as a r/ship..... it is your choice but if you were honest to yourself with this situation would it suit you to be in his life as a best friend after having him as a boyfriend and be there for him as a best friend when he dates other girls and take out other girls? ...It wouldnt suit me to do that to myself or allow another to do that to me.
Where does that leave you?? not a good place to be in, another person cant expect you to be there for them as they want you to be after breaking up with you, your feelings matter too, you have every right to be with a person who does want you in their life as a r/ship if that is what you choose.
I think that is being very selfish of him to ask that of you, he cant have it both ways, if being a best friend means having a sexual r/ship and nothing else then that should ring bells as to what he really is about
I would be very careful, and i would be very honest to yourself about how you feel about his arrangement with you personally i think it sucks lemons.

Dont get caught up in any guilt of believing you have to be there for him, if the r/ship has ended then it has ended it means it has come as far as it is meant to and its time for both to move on , if one cant that is not your problem you have to do what you feel is right for you by trusting what you feel over what you think, your true feelings are your gut feelings so listen to what your gut is trying to tell you if it doesnt feel right then it isnt...speak your truth, stand in your truth honour your truth and live to your truth.

We are not here to be as another wants us to be , we are here to live our lives to how we need to be for ourselves as an individual and with a parnter if another wants to control us or expect us to be what they want us to be for them, then that is not a good healthy r/ship it is one of a one sided taking and not giving r/ship and we are the only ones who know what is right for us by trusting our feelings and what is wrong for us, so please trust what you feel you need to do for yourself i feel you have a good head on your shoulders and you will get past this and move on, there is more waiting up ahead for you that will be different so dont fear making any changes for yourself as they will bring you to what you are meant to have and what you are deserving of, all r/ships teach us something about ourselves and others so we know what we want and what we dont want if we choose to learn some will some wont, some will go through life putting up with all sorts of treatment that isnt loving, healthy or right for them, because they believe they cant have anything else or wont find the right one...that isnt true we first need to learn the valuable lessons that r/ships teach us about our true selves and already i feel you know this doesnt suit you or would make you happy being a best friend to your ex boyfriend because it suits him to have you as he wants you and not allow you to be free and have your own life to live as you need to if he is in your face you wont allow yourself to meet others, go out and be yourself and i dont want you to do that to yourself he chose to break it off with you so that decision belongs to him and he has to deal with it and except that you are not responsible for how he carries on if you dont choose to be his best friend i feel he is immature in alot of ways insecure and controling and i dont feel he knows what he wants only when it suits him.
Get out there enjoy your life to the fullest meet new people make new friends, dont rush into another r/ship friendship first and please dont put your life on hold for your ex...its your choice.
I hope that has helped you in some way....jazz. ...ps.about a new job....good news and more opportunities with work.

[misperfect007]

to Jazz



hey Ameliaalwi

I just thought I would add that I have done just his. Broke up with my boyfriend and stayed his mate, we hung around together in the same group. It was hard. I watched him pick up girls, and my heart broke. Then I didnt go out with them for a weekend and he picked up one of my so called best friends hmm. I was told in the most blunt way, and it hurt. I also did some stupid things in this time, that I would not normally do, that just were not me. This was to show that I didnt care, but I did. I was breaking inside.

I would wonder what you will get out of being just best mates? What does being best mates actually mean?? Will you both end up having a relationship without the commitment? Does that suit you and him? Dont let yourself be used. You might just miss the next big thing that is on its way ;)

Just remember if it works for you, that is great. It did for me for a while. XX

[jazz]

to Jazz



hey Ameliaalwi

I just thought I would add that I have done just his. Broke up with my boyfriend and stayed his mate, we hung around together in the same group. It was hard. I watched him pick up girls, and my heart broke. Then I didnt go out with them for a weekend and he picked up one of my so called best friends hmm. I was told in the most blunt way, and it hurt. I also did some stupid things in this time, that I would not normally do, that just were not me. This was to show that I didnt care, but I did. I was breaking inside.

I would wonder what you will get out of being just best mates? What does being best mates actually mean?? Will you both end up having a relationship without the commitment? Does that suit you and him? Dont let yourself be used. You might just miss the next big thing that is on its way ;)

Just remember if it works for you, that is great. It did for me for a while. XX

Hi missperfectoo7
This happened to me to , too many times until i learned that its okay to allow yourself to move on from what isnt happy for you or right for you where your heart is concerned...the ones that dump you then want to keep you as '"Best Friends" have big lessons to learn about r/ships, as you have said it may work out for awhile until you see them having a great time with your best friends and ending up with one ggrr but it has shown you the truth of that persons unsincerity and that is what r/ships do for us they show us many things we dont know about ourselves, our true feelings, our wants and needs not just for ourselves but with a person we choose to bring into our lives as a potential partner....its all about learning to graduate to having something that is meant to be in our lives on a soul level of the heart is that is in our destiny.
You are doing great with your answers keep it up, the more you work with spirit the more you progress and understand your purpose ;) jazz.xx

[misperfect007]

Thanks Jazz

I have written a few times, but haven't posted it. I just answer.lol

I just need to build some confidence I think. XX

[Chris Roubis]

amelia,

He broke up with you because he isn't that into you. He wants to stay friends because he knows that is what you wanted to hear, plus he can always hang around you and your friends for a potential screw... time to move on, no point hoping he will come back to you, because his feelings will never change.

[ameliaalwi]

hi jazz and all,
thank you so much for your reply. he is became a different person since he met his big family.he were in good relationship and we were pretty serious as we are not teenagers.he told me that he thinks we just scare to see a future as he had failure in previous relationship. he told me that because of our big diversities it will be hard for us in the future. he told me he wants to focus on his career and he doens't even think about another girl. he told me he just not 100% sure about something and i dont know what is that. he still keep calling me but we not meet as often as before.i feel he still loves me but he got pushed by his family to choose a girl from same background, that was he told me.
this is really hard for me, im in uncertainty situation

[Chris Roubis]

Do not believe in him, but believe in yourself. Real happiness comes from within.

[jazz]

hi jazz and all,
thank you so much for your reply. he is became a different person since he met his big family.he were in good relationship and we were pretty serious as we are not teenagers.he told me that he thinks we just scare to see a future as he had failure in previous relationship. he told me that because of our big diversities it will be hard for us in the future. he told me he wants to focus on his career and he doens't even think about another girl. he told me he just not 100% sure about something and i dont know what is that. he still keep calling me but we not meet as often as before.i feel he still loves me but he got pushed by his family to choose a girl from same background, that was he told me.
this is really hard for me, im in uncertainty situation

Hi ameliaalwi
Dont sit on the fence waiting for him to be 100% of anything, he is pyschic now telling you he cant see a future for you because of a previous failed r/ship thats crapp, you arent his previous girlfriend no one is the same every r/ship is different he has trust issues along with other hang ups that you cant put right for him.
When a person loves you, they will stick with you and go beyond any fears, doubts or outside problems he seems to be making a lot of excuses for this and that, to go wrong when it hasnt even happened yet??
Do yourself a big favour and dont let him complicate your life with his hang ups you dont need that anyone that cant give you solid honest truthfull answers not excuses isnt a real man , he is a boy in mans body he must be insecure by contacting you all the time when he broke off the r/ship?? he chose to do that now he needs get on with his complicated life and you allow yourself to move on into the future and enjoy all that is new for you its hard i know when a r/ship break happens we go through all sorts of emotions and sometimes we cant let go emotionally we hang on hoping things will change, until we are shown it wont, then we need to allow oursevles to let go emotionally, heal and move on from that experience taking with us what we have learned from that person and time together, you need a stable secure, honest man who wont be afraid of a new r/ship if there has been failed ones in the past,most of us have had lessons to learn in karmic learning r/ships where things havent worked out but never the less we have chosen that particular person to come into our lives to learn and teach to, each r/ship we have has been a lesson that we have chosen to learn anyway for our growth and for the growth of our soul, dont take any r/ship break ups personally or to heart they are not to punish us or make us feel bad or insecure about ourselves they are to show us what we do and dont want with a partner and for ourselves in life as an individual you have alot to look forward to so hang in there and just get on with your life as you are meant to and enjoy it to the fullest. jazzxx

[jazz]

Do not believe in him, but believe in yourself. Real happiness comes from within.

Thats it Chris ;) I hope she doesnt hang on tooooooooooooo long waiting for him to change but its her choice if she does we eventually move on when we have been seen in 3d what we cant see in other ways xxx