A way to move forward....??

[merryroman]

Hello.
Lately I've been particularly depressed and distraught. Now a middle-age man I have never been able to get a grip on my life and I let everyone down around me, my son and especially myself. I am unemployed, single and live with my elderly mother, am financially unsecured, socially isolated and hope is an elusive and dying companion.
Can I ask, do you see a way forward for me, through to some sort of happiness or at least to a place where some sort of resonable future can be built and sustained??
Thanks in advance.

[jazz]

Hi Merryroman,
I am going to do you a reading free of charge as I feel you are really stuck.
The way forward begins with you, first of all your health if you feel you are depressed go and see a doctor and talk to him about how you are feeling you may need medication or counselling to get you back on track if you are unemployed your treatment wont cost you anything, when your health improves so will your state of mind about how to help yourself to live life as it should be not where you feel or believe you are stuck in the energy you are now in forever.
You are focusing too much on doom and gloom there is no magic wand to wave over you or your life to make it better you have all you need within you to make the necessary changes to bring yourself into a more positive energy if you want to stay stagnant you will if you want to move forward you can.
You are not letting yourself or anyone down you are letting life down, because you came here to live to your true purpose and you were born as we all are with all the necessary tools, talents and skills to do that we are given inner strength, hope, faith, intuition , insight,determination, courage, confidence to use at any time you are not using any of your God given gifts because you have kept yourself in a heavy negative energy of stagnation.
There are many things you can do to move forward, your not employed which I understand isn't easy for a middle age person to find work and the young ones are finding it hard too so your not alone there.
Keep looking for work don't give up because you are refused there are lots of people who get turned down for work every day but they keep on looking and eventually the right job comes their way and new doors open up for them and the same will happen for you if you keep the faith and believe that all things are possible when we put our minds to it.rr
There are courses you could do to learn or brush up on your skills or learn new ones, there is volunteer work which would get you out of the house and help you to communicate with others socially.
Be around nature or the ocean for quiet time to bring your mind into balance make a list of all the things you would like to change and start to make it happen.
If you don't have any hope or faith in yourself or life then you will keep yourself in that energy, and you will block all the wonderful things that are waiting to come into your life... when we replace fear, uncertainty , doubts, all negative energy with hope and faith new doors will open up for you and you can have a better life when you take those first steps forward to make that all happen.
Sometimes we just don't know what to do or how to do things to bring in change so we take one thing at a time.
Ask yourself what is the first thing I need to do for myself now so I can feel better about myself .
If that is going to see a doctor to talk over what you are feeling and going through start with that.
We cannot begin to see any light if our thought patterns are negative, if our energy is heavy we will feel heavy, if we don't have any hope then we will live to that energy because we start to believe that this is our lives we cant have any thing better.
Counselling will help you to talk to a person who doesn't know you and can professionally diagnose you and give you the help you need to change your negative thought patterns into positive thinking.
Positive thinking will bring positive results and actions because that is what you will focus on all and live to the negative moments in our lives are something we all have but we learn as we go along in life how to handle them better so we don't let those times take over everything, like you are doing now you are allowing all the doom and gloom you have created for yourself to take over everything you are blocking out the positive that needs to change and you can do that.
I know there are a lot better and happier times waiting for you up ahead, I cant make you believe that I can only pass on what spirit has given to me for you having faith in those words, in yourself and in the future will see that coming true but you have to put in some hard yards to help yourself it doesn't just happen self help is needed along with outside help and together they will bring you to a much better place.
There is a whole new world waiting out there for you to discover being middle age is not old age is just a number negative energy can make us feel older, hopeless, helpless, giving up on life, giving up on having hope all these feelings are your lower energy not your higher energy you will feel the difference once you start to step into a more positive frame of mind.
Changes can happen at any time of our lives it is up to us your spirit guide/guides have been trying to get through to you for a long time so you can open your eyes up to what you need to do for yourself and not wallow in stagnation and hopelessness don't give up now just because you feel it is too late for your life to really turn around it is time now for you to have a big shake up and start doing something about your life to make it better and how you would like to live your life that is from spirit they are showing me you in an old tattered suit that is how you have kept yourself that is not life only as you perceive it to be in your negative state of mind the real you needs to come forward now and start living.

What you put into life now will in return be the new life you are wanting it is up to you to now to start making any necessary changes about yourself, and for yourself.

Let me know how you get on you will be fine.
blessings jazz.





We bring ourselves to where we are in life from the choices and decisions we make at any given time so you need to ask yourself some questions being totally honest to yourself with your answers

[merryroman]

Hi Jazz.
Firstly, thankyou for taking the time for such a detailed reply, it was unexpected but much appreciated.

The image you describe of me in a tattered suit is a good one and most descriptive. Very relatable.

You are of course very right that you cannot make me believe that change of any sort is possible. It's a difficult one to shift because as you know, as we get older, our worlds generally get smaller. Unlike the vibrancy of youth and early adulthood where opportunity abounds, as we age our priorities change as does our energy. It is at this junction, the shift into middle age and the passing of youth that makes things so difficult for me to bear. As a described in my first note, I have very little of substance in my life, very little to hang on to or build upon, there is very little consistency to show, and the fact is that at this stage of life I don't have the energy, vigour, enthusiasm or Time to make or build or influence my world or the world around me quite like I had in my younger days. I think you could say that I am in the autumn of my life. So as my world gets smaller, the innate Hope that I always used to feel grows ever so smaller.

It would not be a surprise to hear that I have had counselling and been on medication for depression in the past. I have considered both again recently, but with my experience of anti-depressants I am very reluctant to try that type of medication again. I do know about the opportunities with counselling when unemployed and have used them previously but usually there is still a gap fee to cover. As it is I will have to check if I am eligible again.

I've had a couple of job opportunities. Most recently, it's embarrassing to say but I actually had the opportunity to take a really good job but unfortunately it was in another state. It was the first time in quite a while that I successfully got a job but in the end, after a massive emotional struggle and misplaces commitments I said no because I'm really depressed and it's extremely difficult to make decisions, and its in another part of the country away from my aging mother and especially from my son. An opportunity for hope perhaps lost now.....But these are the kind of 'stressful situations' I keep creating, putting myself in the emotional washing machine needlessly and quite honestly, creating a lot of dark internal stress & disease...I feel it gnawing away at me.

Anyway, I keep re-reading your words and in some ways they are lovely to hear and of course we contribute to creating our emotional realities either positive or negative, but without wanting to sound so entirely over dramatic I'm just not convinced I have the strength anymore like I said at the beginning. I feel and see this darkness within me that tells me, that despite anything I do, I will become a lonely (and bitter) old man. This dark bottomless hole that just wont let me go and it scares the absolute shit out of me.

But I'm going to try and take on some of what you have said and see what I can do and continue to refer back to it. I have just started to try and put into place a meditation practice so I hope I have the strength and motivation to continue this. And maybe along the way I'll find a couple of other things to help as well. Lets try and end on a positive note.
Thanks again for your communication and time and at some point I will try and let you know how things are going.

[jazz]

Hi Merryroman,
Not everything is lost only if we believe it is, you are never too old to change your life ever but you do need to change your worn out false believe patterns because that is what you are existing to not living but existing.
Take that old worn out tape out of your thought patterns which plays over and over again and replace it now with renewed hope and faith and make a commitment to yourself to have a different better life where you will have a good r/ship with your son, you will find suitable work or a course to do to get you going (before I knew I had these gifts I had two children to raise when my husband exchanged me for a younger model I cleaned houses, took in ironing which worked in with being there for my kids before school and after it wasn't easy but it paid the bills and put food on the table he paid me one payment of $15 it was $7.50 back then for each child then he skipped to places where he would not be found so he wouldn't have to pay for his own children regardless of the hardships we went through going without so much but we made it through)
I often wondered is this how my life is going to always be??? for many years it was but that made me stronger to survive for myself and for my kids.
Yes life will throw all kinds of crapp at you some will dodge some we wont.
The hardest and most painful emotion and life challenge I have ever had to deal with was losing my son at 19 years of age did I get depressed yes, did I want to just not be here yes, did I lose faith in life yes, I don't know how I got from the darkness I was in to where I am now my sons love and presence are with me always and he works with me when I do my spiritual work so that keeps me going and here on this earth plane knowing I will see him again, you have your son don't let anything stop you from having a loving good r/ship with your son we don't know how long we are going to have our children for so make the most of having your son and you can start by getting your mental state of health back on track I have depression and anxiety I am on prescription medication that is really helping me and doesn't have bad side affects I will taking that medication for the rest of my life to balance out all the stress I have had over the years that affects your brain so I can cope and I am doing fine, I also went to counselling not grief counselling as nothing helps you to cope with the loss of a child it is a personal pain you live with for the rest of your life I went for other reasons and it helped talking about it I have cleared a lot of junk out of my mind that was keeping me negative from past experiences they are in the past now and we need to live to all that is new waiting for us in the future.

I am 69 years young I am a Grandmother and Great Grandmother to 4 so far and I love being around so much love and joy I was 68 when I made a big move to come from W.A to N.S.W for a new life I sold everything I owned which wasn't much and a car I loved to bits to get here and have enough to get into a rental, some of my grown up Grandkids are still in W.A. but they can fly over and see me and have a holiday any time they want to.
So you see nothing is out of our reach if we want it bad enough you can climb out of that dark bottomless hole that scares the shit out of you like it did me, or you can climb out and start to live your not my age yet so start to make a positive list of positive changes you need to make for yourself and do it.
Ask your Angels for help they need to be asked for their help before they can start to work with you, tell them everything as I did as how you are feeling and what help you would like and believe me they will start to help you, you will feel a different energy surrounding you, it will make you feel lighter and you will feel there is hope and that will be your Angels reassuring you that they are with you and having been trying to help you for some time in their own way but because your energy has been so dark and heavy their ways of trying to help you have been blocked .
Call in your Angels and spirit guides (we all have them) from the Higher Astral and Mental planes of the Universe to please come forward for their help, talk to them as if you would to a friend that could trust with your problems and heavy heart and they will listen and surround you with love and understanding.
I have been in that black hole of despair that you are talking about and have wanted to stay there and never come back up because I could not live with the pain in my soul without my son.

You will find how you are helped so don't ignore signs or people that you will come in contact with they will all be a part of how the Angels are helping you I am being told you will question is this real or is it me just wanting it to be real?? It will be real and when you start to feel like there is hope you will keep going in that positive energy and things will start to work out for you and you will see for yourself your life isn't that bad it just needs you to change you so get rid of those negative thought patterns that are worn out and old like the suit spirit saw you in.

Here is a Affirmation please say it affirmations are great for empowering you and will put new positive thought patterns in your mind and way of thinking you can say this in meditation and before you go to sleep and first thing when you wake up.
I INVITE THIS MOST BLESSED CHANGE INTO MY LIFE
KNOWING THAT IT LEADS TO A POSITIVE TRANSFORMATION.
I SURRENDER ALL THE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS THAT NO LONGER SERVE ME, AND REPLACE THESE WITH LOVE, HOPE, AND FAITH.

I hope that helps in some way.
Blessings Jazz.

[merryroman]

HI Jazz,
Thankyou so much again for replying with such honesty and forthrightness. It makes a difference to me that you have taken the time to do so....
Yes, good old worn out false belief patterns, such a debilitating state of being. I certainly am aware of the way I take comfort in them, exactly because they are so familiar and I don't know anything else. It does get to the point where I feel it's easier to stay there.
Although the darkness pulls at me constantly, a very small tentative part of me has made the commitment to try and make a better life. The things you have shared have definitely contributed and I do take some strength from them.

Although we can't always see the light through our own darkness, I was touched by the story of the loss of your son. I can't even imagine the grief and suffering that would cause and it would have been the most *difficult* thing to find a path through. As someone who relies so much on the presence of their mother in my life, I already break down at the thought of losing her, the dark well of grief that hits me when I think about it is already almost untenable, and she is still alive! I don't say that to compare with you but only to empathise in understanding.

I will add your affirmation advice to my daily meditation. And although I'm not entirely comfortable with it, only in the fact it's not something I have done so much of, I will try to talk with my angels and spirit guides and see how that goes. At this point, every little thing helps.

Once again I take strength from reading your words and will continue to refer back to them. Thankyou........

[jazz]

Hi Merryroman,
I am glad to hear you are going to talk to your Angels and Spirit guides they do listen and they do their best to help and guide you where you need it the most.
Please keep the meditation and affirmations going they are two powerful tools to help clear negative energies, and worn out outdated self beliefs of ourselves when you deep breathe...breathe in positive out with negative bring the colour green into your whole body for healing ask Arc Angel Raphael to help heal any past or present hurts you may still carry.
We all find our own way of moving forward when we know we want change in our lives, Mothers are precious and nurturing to us I am glad you still have your Mum with you My Mum and Dad are with my son and all their family now but when we leave here we all catch up again and have a big party to celebrate our coming home we never lose the ones we love they just go on ahead of us to wait to see us again in the most beautiful place you could ever imagine so you can imagine the joy and the tears of happiness we have when they come to us and greet us with open arms and hold us again meanwhile their love and presence are always with us.

I wish you well God Bless you both.
jazz