Thankyou so much again for replying with such honesty and forthrightness. It makes a difference to me that you have taken the time to do so....
Yes, good old worn out false belief patterns, such a debilitating state of being. I certainly am aware of the way I take comfort in them, exactly because they are so familiar and I don't know anything else. It does get to the point where I feel it's easier to stay there.
Although the darkness pulls at me constantly, a very small tentative part of me has made the commitment to try and make a better life. The things you have shared have definitely contributed and I do take some strength from them.
Although we can't always see the light through our own darkness, I was touched by the story of the loss of your son. I can't even imagine the grief and suffering that would cause and it would have been the most *difficult* thing to find a path through. As someone who relies so much on the presence of their mother in my life, I already break down at the thought of losing her, the dark well of grief that hits me when I think about it is already almost untenable, and she is still alive! I don't say that to compare with you but only to empathise in understanding.
I will add your affirmation advice to my daily meditation. And although I'm not entirely comfortable with it, only in the fact it's not something I have done so much of, I will try to talk with my angels and spirit guides and see how that goes. At this point, every little thing helps.
Once again I take strength from reading your words and will continue to refer back to them. Thankyou........