Hello to everybody out there..
My name is Crystal and I need somebody's help. I need help in trying to decipher what is happening, however... I actually don't really know what is happening. To be honest, I think every now and then, that I might be slowly losing my sanity. So apologies to anyone who walks away from reading this feeling dazed and confused.
So, for approximately two months now, I keep having a reoccurring dream. And as time has progressed, the reoccurring dreams have gone from appearing 2-3 times a week to what is now a nightly incident. The dream however isn't like a typical dream. My typical dreams tend to play out in my head like a movie. Its like I'm the audience at the cinema, watching a Lifetime movie about my myself, starring Oscar award winning actress, me. But these reoccurring dreams I keep having are nothing like my normal dreams. In my head, its pitch black. I can't see, smell, touch...anything. I don't even know if I have a body. Hands? Feet? Its pitch black. I don't know. But I can hear. And...I can talk. But most importantly, I'm aware. Of it all. (I'm dreaming of being my conscience and/or subconscious???!!!!) Every dream starts off with this "realisation" but with every dream, the "realisation" takes less and less time to reach. At the this stage of me having these dreams, my "realisation" is a quick passing moment that I now barely remember having in my dreams but again, I know and I'm aware that I've gone through that stage.
But now I'm aware of myself... I now start talking to myself(???!!!!) And I'm not talking to another physical me. But another, self aware me, floating around in purgatory that is my head. And again, when these dreams started happening, the "other" me, didn't really say too much. If it did try and talk, it mumbled under its breath. But now, the voice is loud, clear, demanding but... I'm not scared. It's like when your a little kid and your grandma has told you off for the first time. You can see on her face she ain't kidding. She's even raised her voice just enough you could almost say she sounds like someone not your nana. But through all that, you still feel her warmth, her kindness and love. That's how it feels when conscience number two is taking to me. And what does the "other" me say???
That I need to go out and talk about us???!!!
I need go out and find us??!!!
Why aren't I looking for us??!!!
That's all the other voice ever says to me. Over and over. And it's gotten more intense every time I dream it.
It never changes.
It's always the same.
And I don't know WTF???!!!
.....So, if you have read this and even have the slightest clue to why my brain seems to be malfunctioning in this peculiar way, enlighten me. Please. Read me. Taro card me. Star chart me. Do what needs to be done to help me understand. Otherwise, I'll just end up cranking out a bottle of wine and a couple of xannax every night before bed, which actually is Plan B. Therapy of some kind is Plan C but hopefully we won't ever get there. Xoxoxox