Dear Jazz, Chris, TruthSeeker, Olivia, and everyone else reading this,
First off, I wanted to apologize if I posted in the wrong forum. I just want to share a realization I've come across recently and I want Jazz and the others I've addressed here to hear because I feel they can relate in the topic.
I remember Jazz emphasized on her readings on how we are here on this earth to learn lessons. So I've requested a free online numerology report and interestingly enough, it was spot on. My Karmic Debt is 16 and here is the result:
"In a past life, probably the previous one, your birth energies and circumstances allowed you to be in a position of power, but you misused it in the sense that you made others suffer by interfering in their life that so they were unable to make decisions for themselves. You created a Karmic Debt for yourself for which you have a chance to compensate it in this life.
The energy of this debt manifests in basically two alternative ways.
The one is that you are completely absorbed in your own life: your desires, your plans, your envisaged achievements, your talents and gifts.
Although you are not setting out to do harm, you act as if the world would only exist to satisfy your self and were there for the taking. Expectedly, you intervene, step in, intercede, intrude, most of the time without even realizing it.
The reaction of your environment is in accordance with the degree of your disturbance and the exposure of your self-centered nature. While this baffles and perplexes you, it also frustrates you as it 'interferes' with your agility and thwarts (in your eyes) your ambitions.
To redress this situation you clearly have to learn to look past your own wants and become aware of and take into account the aspirations and desires of others, especially those with whom you work or are associated with in some way.
The alternative in which this type of debt reveals itself is that you exhibit a lack of self-determination and are unable to act upon your own. For whatever reason in the past, you have not yet matured to the degree that you have developed the confidence and skills to make decisions for yourself and are willing to make mistakes because you have learnt that they are necessary to grow and finally reach self-realization.
As a personality, your are still dependent and as such expect that you are being looked after for that is how it has been in your past. If things don't turn out your way, you always find someone or something to blame.
To redeem this no-go situation you have to concentrate on working towards your personal independence, irrespective of what outside influences or patterns of the past are aiming at keeping you in an underdeveloped stage, ie lacking strength and being dependent. Bear in mind, though, that you do not swing over to the other extreme by disregarding the wishes and plans of your fellowmen.
If, instead you continue pursuing only your self-interests, tower over others and are offensive, or, alternatively, are indolent, anxious and menial, your Karmic Debt will increase. "
The line I've emphasized in bold words affects me. Truly, in my relationships, especially the latest one where I really got affected on was my tendency to dominate and not allow the person to be who she is. See, my ex loves to drink. I should've just let her be her own self and allow her to do whatever she wants in her spare time...but instead, I intervened and this was when things went to a downward spiral. I wish that I have learned this early on and I might still have been able to keep that relationship. lol... but the thing is, back to when Jazz mentioned that we choose how we learn the lessons, I guess that the breakup was meant to happen...for me to learn and evolve. That was the mistake I made, but then again, from what I understood, we are born here to make mistakes and learn from it. I will try not to be so controlling in my next relationship. lol...but I do thank my ex for propelling me to spiritual learning. I do hope we will be friends one day. Any hope of reconciliation I had is over, since I know that her purpose in my life is to make me learn and grow and wake up (spiritually?). (In Reply......
HI TC...You werent being controlling with your ex'es drinking problem you were showing your truth of how you didnt like her being drunk and being out of control with her drinking, if you were happy with her drinking in that r/ship you would still be there now, but you would also be living to a false happines with that person.
Your truth allowed you to leave because it wasnt really what you were happy with in that r/ship and that part of the r/ship would not have changed, you were in a karmic learning lesson r/ship and you both chose to have that lesson together.
The past including our past lives are in the past we need to live in the now taking with us any wisdom and lesson learned from the experiences we have had. ;) jazz.
Apparently, I've been too bossy in my past life and that is why I am learning to love my independence now.
Another interesting topic I read is that once you repay the karma, i.e.: the murderer becomes the murdered (this example is extreme I know), a karmic cycle will be established. Hence, people should learn to forgive and not try to seek revenge. In the same note, it is for this very reason that the past should not be something that one should go back to; the lessons have been learned, the purpose fulfilled.
Am I on the right track on this or what?
Dear TruthSeeker and Chris,
lol A reader once told me that all these experiences is supposed to direct me to my soulmate. He told me that I will meet her in this lifetime once I get past the challenge of not accepting what I do not want in my life (strangely this is similar to what Jazz keeps re-iterating on her readings to me), regardless of how much I love the person. It's only when I let go of the past emotional hurt and pain no matter how unjustifiable a person behaved towards me in the end, will new things come into my life, otherwise, yes, it's my choice to get stuck in the past, so to speak. lol I've really learned a lot and up until the present, situations keep pushing me to crazy challenges, though I'd like to think I handle them better now and not to be emotionally ruined anymore. I'm doing everything to get past the hurt and truly live a happy life. In fact, I've taken St. John's Wort to improve my overall emotional well-being. haha and it has worked for me so far. I also keep praying and have constant faith that there will be better days ahead. 2014 ought to get me in a happier and healthier state.
Also, ever since I transferred to this new place, I keep seeing this blue bird who visits me once a month. It's really once a month because I only get to see this bird once per month. In every occasion, it never fails to bring my attention to it. Just now, it flew past my window. I ran to check it and its blue wings glistened to the sun's rays...really strange indeed. Does anybody have a similar experience?
Hi Tc,Hi Jazz,
I haven't read the reply until now. I guess I'll have to agree. I was showing my truth because that's the only way I'd ever be truly happy. If I had stayed and sucked it up, then yes, maybe I would've been miserable and stuck in a lifestyle that i didn't want in the first place. Either way, I'm glad I made the decision to break free from all that now.
Thanks for telling me to be cautious with St. John's Wort. Don't worry, I don't take more than two capsules a day and by next year, I think I can handle it with just taking it once daily.
With regards to the bird, i don't know what message its trying to tell me. Maybe to just be like it and experience freedom at its purest? This year I've done nothing but kept looking back at the past too much, sometimes,for my own good. lol
Anyway, I'd like to greet you all a Prosperous New Year. Let's welcome the Year of the Horse with a bang! Thanks for the support, Jazz, Chris, Truthseeker. You all had contributed to my well-being when things came crashing down on me this year.
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